number ten, with fireworks
on celebrating america, floor is lava, and entertainment recs for this weekend
This weekend feels strange. The Fourth of July is supposed to be the peak of summer fun. We expect barbecues and parties, pools and beaches. The mood this year is decidedly less festive. Partly because it has to be as festivities must be, or at least are strongly advised to be, more measured and contained. Over 128,000 Americans have passed away so far during this pandemic and numbers are only climbing. We seem to be experiencing an abject failure in leadership and the United States is ranking at the very bottom in terms of our national ability to contain the virus. We are also experiencing a national reckoning over race, and the ways we have neglected to deal with the reality of our history -- the true cost of the creation of the America that we celebrate. Surely there will be news reports come Sunday of large gatherings, the ‘don’t impinge on my freedom’ crowd, but what we will not be able to see is the majority of people who will spend the day doing some safe, CDC approved, form of celebration and relaxation. Those of us who are trying to make the best of it, the best of summer.
Holidays do tend to get away from their origin story over time. You won’t find many, I have never found anyone, who spends the day sharing revolutionary war stories over corn on the cob. Traditions and inertia take us to a place where the time of year and the things we do to celebrate become the holiday in and of itself. Independence Day is about hot dogs, fireworks, and day drinking in the sun. We put on our best Americana fits and adorn ourselves with red lipstick and star-spangled manicures. Small towns across the country gather for quaint parades and cookouts.
In this case the mood of the holiday perfectly suits the occasion, the rituals representing the absurd bombast that is and always has been America. Bombs of war turned beautiful twinkling beacons of flickering freedom. Stars and stripes across our chests telling the story of the bold beginnings and fragile unity of the people of these states. High summer frivolity is the picture-perfect image of prosperity and ease that we sell across the world. It is brazen, and carefree and slightly obnoxious – it is American.
I don’t feel like being loudly and proudly American right now, I think I’ll save my flag gear for another year. In part because I have been newly confronting the ways in which this country has failed, but also I am loathe to signal any kind of solidarity with those who wield the flag as a symbol of right wing ideology. I resent so deeply the way the right has claimed and distorted American values. I felt the need to declare my patriotism because it felt important to say that you can be on the other side and care just as much. Actions always speak much louder than symbols and I like to think I live my life in a way that shows my love for this country. A desire to understand who we really are and to be a part of our continued evolution feels essential to me, it is tied into my work and my life as much as anything. You can not be feeling proud at the moment while still feeling love.
The truth is that I do love this country so deeply, in a soul filling and honest way. I think if I had to choose between the world and America, I would choose here. To spend my whole life visiting every main street and dive bar from sea to fucking shining sea. I have had the good fortune to see some bits of the world outside of this country and I hope to see many more, but I am an American girl. I have multiple items of clothing that drape me in red, white and blue and while I take joy in their campiness, I certainly don’t wear them ironically. I’ll never forget my inexplicable decision to declare myself a patriot to my whole class during graduate school and going to the bar to laugh about it later because what social work student studying the hundred and one ways we have systematically fucked over a good majority of this country chooses to die on that hill? Me, I guess. A patriot! I know this is an insane thing to admit here again, in the year of our Lord 2020, a timeline where I have declared loudly “I have never been more ashamed to be an American” only to be more ashamed soon thereafter. I still feel there is much good to be seen in this American experiment, among all the ugliness.
What we need as a nation is not shame, but clarity. There is no untangling our past, no going back. We can only go forward. There is so much resistance to rewriting the history of this country to make it more truthful because it can feel like you are being asked to toss out all the good. Yet if you cannot look honestly upon something how solid can it be? With any argument worth making though you should be able to look at all the angles, see everything, and it will be made sturdier because of that work. Our concepts of American exceptionalism and greatness are so fragile because they are hollow, filled only with what we want to see rather than the whole of our experiences and truths. Easily crushed.
We ask each other who has ownership over this land, over the idea of what America is. Neighborhood groups in city to city gather to fight against gentrification in their communities. Native Americans are still fighting for sovereignty over their ancestral lands. The call for reparations is about recognizing the uncompensated contributions of Black Americans in building this nation, in caring for this land. Ethnic enclaves are rich places of heritage for immigrants that want to hold onto their culture and from where they begin to weave it into our collective fabric. I proudly exclaim “I’m from Michigan” to someone I meet at a coffee shop with a Detroit “D” on their baseball cap. We crave belonging, home. In a country where renewal and change are baked into our inception this can feel hard to come by. The shifting ground is the constant. I have lived in quite a few different cities and states, all of them uniquely American, all of them having the same battles in varying shapes. For any of us who grew up or made a life here we have to reckon with our relationship to this land, it’s people, and the institutions that govern us with great inequity.
When viewed with a generosity of spirit this country has always been a set of ideals that we must continue to strive for. I read somewhere once that relationships are over once all you have to talk about is the past. Countries might be like that too, that their future is over when you cling to tightly to the past. Can you be a proud America, a patriot, while also recognizing that the prosperity you celebrate has come at an immense human cost? Atrocities have been and continue to be committed in your name and under the same flag you will find on my one piece bathing suit. Reinvention is a part of who we are, we are constantly renewing ourselves to inch closer to the highest of standards our founders set. That they themselves fell short and that we continue to only demands that we continue the struggle. Prosperity should not be a reason to rest, it is an opportunity to see what else we can do and how much further we can go. When we proclaim what we stand for so loudly, and often with such force put it upon others, it is only right that we hold ourselves accountable to what we claim to believe in. Freedom of speech and of the press, the rights of women, access to free and fair elections – we have exported these ideas across the world to only devalue them here at home.
I have been to Mount Rushmore and found it impressive, in that it’s giant faces carved into a mountain side which is hard to not look at. What I was really moved and changed by was not that symbol of what we wish project, but the reality of the land surrounding it. The wild beauty of the Black Hills, the Native American reservations of the South Dakota plains, the humble stone of the graves marking the Battle of the Little Bighorn. The wide western skies felt like an invitation to paint my own story upon the blue, to be a part of all that has come before me. I knew that it was not my sky, not really. I wished for all of this to be undone while the earth beneath me brought tears to my eyes, as I felt for the first time the truth of the bloodshed and beauty of this land. America is a country full of myths and I have fallen in love with most of them, but there I experienced the kind of real love not born from myth but from truth.
We are so imperfect, so hard to grasp, hold so many things all at once – a more imperfect union. I do not have the answers for how to think about our Americanness, I think this is something I will continue to grapple with. For now I think I look at the Fourth of July as a celebration of our potential and a moment to honor this land and all those who have touched it. Happy Birthday America, you’re a messy bitch but I still love you.
also thinking about
Like so many people desperate for joyful and simple entertainment, we got really into The Floor Is Lava this week. High recommend (also helpful if you’re high). For the uninitiated this is an extremely low stakes and low budget Netflix competition show where the same space (and not an entire mansion full of different rooms, to our great disappointment) is decorated like weird fancy rooms where the floor is covered in a warm red liquid aka lava. Don’t fall in! I have some thoughts. To start with, all the players wear their own clothes which means there is a wide range of athletic gear and importantly, I am convinced at least, shoes. In a game predicated on how well you can jump and stand on precarious objects the shoe has got to matter! I really need the stats on how much shoe selection impacts performance and would encourage future selections to take this more seriously. Okay, getting that out of the way after some close viewing and consulting with my husband Alex (who is currently planning his strategy for getting on season two) we have come up with some rules for success and your chance at securing for yourself a $10,000 GRAND PRIZE and a lava lamp that they most likely pulled out of your twenty year old trash and re-gifted to you. Here we go:
Commit to the jump — Listen, I know it’s scary, but once you decide to jump you have got to be confident and commit. A half assed jump is surely going to land your ass in hot lava.
Conform to the object — We are dealing with spherical things, cylindrical things, square things, pyramid shaped things and in order to hang on you have got to assess the object and put your body atop it in a way that suits it’s inherent shape. This also means that sometimes you are just going to have to embrace the face plant, sorry not sorry, if it’s what the object calls for you have to go with it.
Constant communication — A key differentiator between winning and losing was communication. You have to constantly check in with your team, preferably before any move you take. Have a plan, stay on the same page, and keep talking.
Move with purpose — Guys, listen, you cannot just be making moves for no reason out there! Not every jump is taking you somewhere you want to go! Good communication will help you with this but as a team before you step into the arena you have to agree that every move will be intentional, because each one exposes you to risk. You want to make as few moves as possible and to make each one count.
Don’t jump when you can step — Just, see if you can step first, okay?
Please feel free to sound off in the comments with your thoughts on these rules and how to best avoid falling in the lava.
recommended for…
something to watch: Once you finish with Floor is Lava I have been very charmed by Taste the Nation, the new show by host and extremely smart and beautiful person Padma Lakshmi. Padma travels the country in very cute outfits, and pulling off a glasses look that only someone with a perfect face should even try to attempt, to explore communities through their food. The show is heartfelt but fun, the food looks delicious, and you will surely learn about ingredients and dishes you have never seen before. For a holiday weekend all about America I can’t imagine anything better than this show that reminds us that there is so much to discover in the rich diversity that makes this nation great. It’s streaming on Hulu, enjoy!
something to read: Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown is a book that I think every American should read and a great place to start if you want to better understand our history. By using the real words of chiefs you feel the force of the narrative and the experience of Native American tribes acutely. I learned a lot from this book and it opened my eyes in ways that will last a lifetime. While this was written in 1971 and speaks of the past, the generational trauma and impacts are very much still alive for Native Americans today.
something to listen to: I discovered a new podcast this week that I want to share! I was turned off by the title of the podcast You’re Wrong About because, well it seemed like it would be annoying to be told what I am wrong about as entertainment. But hosts Michael Hobbes & Sarah Marshall are downright delightful, while also being very smart and not hesitant to call out bullshit. They take a look at pop culture and true crime stories form a lens that I want to see a lot more of, which is one that unpacks the media narratives surrounding stories, tries to learn lessons, and easily weaves in social commentary. Take a listen, the Courtney Love episode is a good place to start!
with love,
caitlin rose
Jasper Johns, 1955, White Flag
This week’s newsletter was written to the soundtrack of to All American Made by Margo Price
I love this topic. I also feel a complicated patriotism. I feel frustration at what you could almost call appropriation of the word patriot!
When did being a patriot mean not questioning authority? Standing up for imperfect leaders without criticism? Replacing ‘it takes honesty and hard work to be better’ with ‘whoever is yelling loudest is best’?
Patriots were literally rebels against tyranny! And George Washington himself warned us of falling prey to partisan politics!
It’s extremely frustrating to have a word redefined and reclaimed by people who don’t get it and are so obnoxious. So much so that you can’t claim the word “patriot” as your own without an essay disclaimer explaining you understand the complexities of that word and the sinister flaws in our past “patriotic” movements.
To me, a patriot is an idealist. Someone willing to die for a more perfect country. We haven’t been able to get it right in this messy compromise of American history and human nature... but to me, a patriot is someone who continues to fight for the ideal we haven’t yet been able to reach.
Also, I thought The Floor Is Lava segment had very good advice for life. My favorite part:
“Don’t jump when you can step — Just, see if you can step first, okay?”