number one, with love
calling for an end to the boss babe, an ode to the USPS, and introducing luxurious lounging
the boss babe era is over
Millennial women like myself have been sold a lot of ideas about what it means to succeed.
As a kid I envisioned myself in a pencil skirt and heels, going somewhere hastily, doing something of importance. I wanted the freedom to choose my life and to not compromise, to rely on no one but myself. I rejected pink because I resented that “because I am a girl I am supposed to like it.” My girlhood act of resistance wouldn’t make sense in this post-millennial pink era. You can be sexy and serious, frivolous and thoughtful, be a mess and a success. You can be anything you want, do what you want, you can be it all and have it all on your own terms and there are a million glossy profiles of young pretty women in tailored suits to prove it. We are the generation of girl power, and of Beyoncé standing hip cocked with Feminist glowing pink behind her. We’ve been told we should all be boss babes.
I love these women and their striving and ambition. I especially love their tailored suits. Yet, I know I am not alone in the feeling that something is really missing in this modern picture where, as bell hooks has written this “’anything goes’ approach” to feminism “has rendered it practically meaningless.” Perhaps we have been so busy trying to figure out how to sell ourselves we didn’t realize it was just another way of selling out.
What troubles me is the way success has become tied to our ability to generate profit and the value of individual choice above all else. There are many good reasons women have fought hard for economic opportunity, namely because in our society we know that to be free means have the money to choose your own path. The idea of liberation vis-a-vis accumulation of power is something we have been conditioned to accept implicitly, it slips on so easily. Even if we know better (all those women’s studies classes!), this value system seeps in through our detoxifying sheet masks.
In an equation where money equals power, the means matter less than the goal, as if to say, “if I had enough, then I could finally change things”. If I. Well I for one have never felt more sure that tying our freedom to our salary has led us astray, and that this corporate brand of feminism will never set us free. We are facing historic levels of unemployment and for Millennials, a second financial crisis introduced as some of us are just feeling finally like we are might be getting somewhere in this whole adulthood and stability thing. A crisis like this lay bare is how thin the structures of power are that we have been so focused on climbing up, and how little there is to protect us from falling when they collapse. It is false hope to think that if we can just climb higher next time we will be protected. We may, out of necessity, have to begin envisioning something different than what we set out for.
Practically there are only so many spaces for boss babes, so where does that leave the rest of the babes? Our c-suites and boards of directors and shareholders limit their vision under a mantra of endless growth. Rhetorically, the language of corporate striving leaves little space for imagining other forms of success. We talk about needing to level the playing field. These days though I am feeling like ‘fuck the field’. I don’t even like this game! Even if I have been playing it with a really cute outfit on.
What if there was a vision of success that wasn’t about power, but about what we can do to create space for one another? This is the true promise of feminism after all -- that it liberates all of us, not just those who can afford it or look the part. When you take away the office, the hustle, the need to get dressed up at all let alone putting on a suit jacket, we are left with ourselves and what makes us feel whole. Now is the time to wonder about the purpose of the path we were on before and to ask ourselves, ‘what was I compromising, what was I valuing’?
The people that are keeping us safe and fed and connected right now are not the boss babes. They are social workers and grocery store clerks and postal workers. I hope we can come out of this crisis with a reordering of who and what we values. We have to stand for something, act for something, and hold one another accountable to do better.
I, alongside thousands of others, lost my job last month. I have a matchbook on my desk from the happy hour spot I would frequent with my female coworker where we would sip cocktails and map out how to secure more power. All that energy put into the company I worked for and into building myself as a professional has dissipated and I am feel untethered. In moments of clarity and hope, however, I feel that maybe I was being set free in order to build something more true.
I do not think I will ever view my career the same again, in that trusting and certain way that it is taking me somewhere. I do still want to wear a skirt and heels, at least sometimes, and do something important every day. I’ll forever be a babe, maybe one day I will be someone’s boss. We can leave it at that.
also thinking about
Many people have reported on and written about the current situation with the United States Postal Service much better than I would be able, but I do have some things to get off my heart! I love the post office. So much so that when my husband saw that Forever 21 had created a limited line of USPS branded/Off-White rip off gear he immediately bought me a crop top and let me tell you, that was a great gift. I love the buildings, from the grand one in downtown Manhattan to the small town outposts. I love the democracy of it, knowing that every single person in our country has the right to participate in society through their mailbox. It is an act of love that to take a letter from me and put it in the hands of someone I care about for just fifty-five cents. This institution is our right, and it is essential, and if you think that any private company would come in and provide the same service better or cheaper or AT ALL then you are truly out of your mind. I am pretty sure you agree, so if you do take a moment to let your reps know by texting USPS to 50409, and buy stamps!
There is a real lack of celebrity news right now, which makes me depressed, and the news that there is makes me even more depressed. One morning (time is a tricky thing these days, but my journal tells me it was April 1st) I woke up in a sour quarantine mood. The kind where laying bed clenching my jaw and scrolling through my phone seems like the best and only option. When I did roll over and open my phone, I was greeted with the news that Harry and Meghan, the former Duke and Duchess of Sussex aka actual royalty, had moved to Malibu. Malibu! This did not help my mood. It seems like just about the last thing the world needs right now to have yet another Hollywood yuppie couple in LA striving for relevancy while self-congratulating themselves on their positive contributions to the world. They were members of the Royal family! They were something almost nobody gets to be. They had actual influence. First of all, I am disappointed, second, I am bored – hard to say which is worse.
This article from The Atlantic that helpfully outlines why Millennials aren’t crazy to feel like it has been hard to get ahead
recommendations for:
good vibes: I am here to introduce to you a concept I call ‘luxurious lounging’. Step 1) Take a long hot shower Step 2) Get out and put on your plushest robe and several spritzes of perfume Step 3) Lounge and let the vibes wash over you. Martini optional.
a beauty moment: Aside from a swipe of red lipstick I have not been called to my makeup bag recently. What I have been called to is a Gua Sha tool I purchased a while back. Basically it is a stone tool, mine is jade, that you use to perform a gentle facial massage. It is supposed to be good for blood flow and for a natural face lift effect. Each night after washing my face I have been putting on some facial oil and spending a couple minutes scraping my face with this thing and it makes me feel good! I think it is working?
a little movement: You probably need more workout tips like Carole Baskin needs another cat print cardigan, but I am going to share this anyway because I actually like it! A couple years ago I bookmarked this five-minute pilates arm workout that Into the Gloss had shared and against all odds I have found myself returning to it again and again. It is hard enough to actually work and make you feel something, but short and not sweaty enough that you aren’t dissuaded from actually doing. All you need are a couple light hand weights (or as we call them in this house, lil kee-yahs!).
something to read: I finished Writers & Lovers by Lily King a couple of weeks ago and still can’t stop thinking about it. Not in a stressful way or annoying way, just a loving way. This is a story about a woman about my age who is trying to find an authentic path in her life, for her that is writing, while also trying to determine what kind of romantic relationship can fulfill her. It is just a good story and all the characters feel very real and alive. It resonates for this moment and for anyone who has ever looked around and wondered if you have made the right choices.
with love,
caitlin rose